(Nicci) The Adventure of Acting Out I am still pinching myself that I am riding my bright yellow Suzuki “Ellie” around in far north Queensland! We’ve been on the road now for twelve days. My anxiety has settled down considerably from the mild panic attack on the driveway in Toowoomba as we spent a couple of painful hours trying to get the luggage on the bikes….the one thing we hadn’t tried to do before departure day. I had to lighten the load a bit by a couple of t-shirts, my extra black pants, some toiletries, my Charlie book, to make sure the duffle bag would fit on the back of the bike. It was nerve wracking to say the least….with Max & Pat over the road looking on waiting for us to go so that they could wave us off. My gut churned and I felt the familiar urge to seek out a toilet as the magnitude of what we were about to do dawned on me. Once I turned right onto the New England Highway, it all settled down. Sadly I hadn’t made sure that the GoPro’s were in the right position, so the footage of us leaving down was unusable. It wasn’t until we got past Cooyar that any footage of our travels was worth watching. It was a reasonably short and unremarkable trip to Gayndah, our first stop of the trip. We had a motel booked and intentionally planned a short day’s ride, anticipating the nerves and the energy expended in just ‘getting used to’ the feel of the fully loaded bikes on the road. The Mosko Moto setup is perfect and designed for keeping the centre of gravity of the weight in the safest place. Gayndah is famous for orange growing and we had just missed the festival. The smell of rotting fruit on the ground was palpable as we rode into town. The ride up to Dingo through the Burnett and Central Highlands was thankfully uneventful. Eidsvold provided a welcome coffee stop and I particularly enjoyed talking to a family of locals – grandparents who were hosting their two grandchildren for the school holidays. Coming into Dingo we enjoyed that gorgeous low western sun through the clouds and found ourselves at the back of the Dingo Pub in reasonable accommodation. Sadly, out West it seems there is a decided lack of Zero alcohol beer and wholemeal bread! It reminded me that we are going to experience many different cultures on this trip, even though we aren’t actually crossing any International Borders. The statue of the Dingo at Dingo provided some entertainment as we left town the next day. The early days of the trip were providing us plenty of opportunity to adjust interpersonal tensions as Steve came down off his pre-trip planning high, while I was coming up on my explorer-self dopamine high! I have been particularly enjoying observing the change in my confidence – from clunky novice to smooth operator – memory systems integrating unknown unfamiliar events into familiar and knowable ways of doing and being. Day Three saw us ride the Fitzroy Development Road through Middlemount & Nebo to the lovely Kinchant Dam for our first official Camp Out of the trip. We had planned to stay up at Eungella, but decided to opt for a closer destination. What a find! We had a gorgeous spot right by the dam in front of the water birds. The campground had a licenced bar with Great Northern Zero beer, so we were beyond ecstatic to enjoy a cold one with a few chips overlooking the dam. The weather was mild, and our camp set up comfortable with all the necessities, reassuring me deep down that no matter what happened, we would be safe and comfortable in our lovely red base camp! While at our lunch spot – Kell’s Roadside Café at Middlemount – Steve took a call from his GP to advise that his bowel cancer screening kit had returned a positive result, and that he would need to have a Colonoscopy at his earliest convenience. I was immediately overcome by a wave of emotion but managed to pull myself out of a spiral into catastrophe relatively quickly with a cognitive reframe. It wasn’t what either of us were expecting, but way better than a crashed motorbike. There are always events that are going to come up out of left field, and this was just one example. I try hard to stay true to my inner pledge to remain curious, courageous, and kind whenever challenged on this trip. Pushing the feelings to one side, we planned our ride up to Airley Beach, and decided to ride up the Eungella Range for a look. As we rode towards the range the weather turned quite wet and we experienced our first serious ride of the trip! The average gradient was 10.8%, steepest part 38%, with an overall climb of 660m which is about the same height as the Toowoomba Range. It was awesome! Unfortunately, again, I hadn’t set up the GoPro properly and missed capturing the memory, however given the heightened anxiety as we rode up the steep wet slopes the memories are strongly etched in mind. We got to the top in cloud and decided to turn around and head straight back down again. Filling up with gas in Proserpine, we arrived at Airley Eco Cabins around 4pm and quickly managed to have a chat with Steve’s GP to confirm what we needed to do about his test results. Airley had always been a planned rest stop, and both of us were feeling the vibration of four days straight on the bikes so welcomed a bit of a break. Our accommodation was right near the Conroy’s place so we were able to visit and walk to the nearby Northerlies Café to enjoy the Airley Beach vista. The Eco Cabins were comfortable and clean, with a garden view frequented by flocks of sulphur crested cockatoos enticed by the owner with seeds around dusk. Steve was able to consult with his GP and on Monday, the day we would have been leaving, we managed to organise a Colonoscopy in Cairns the following Tuesday, which meant we were only one day longer in Airley than anticipated. It was great to catch up with our friends and enjoyed a walk to Coral Beach near Shute Harbour to practice flying the drone. After six days in the one spot, instead of the four we had anticipated, we were both itching to get back on the bikes! Once past Airley, to me at least it felt like we were finally ON the Big Lap adventure. The last time I’d been to Airley was in 2010 when I was helping my daughter get her hours up on her driver’s “L” plates. We had booked three nights ahead to camp, having been inspired by our time at Kinchant Dam, and were somewhat horrified to realise we had done so without consulting the weather forecast! By the time we got to Rollingstone Beach, just north of Townsville, the weather was threatening. Not long after our tent was up, it started to rain and continued so for most of the night. As if by magic, it cleared just long enough for us to strike camp and get on our bikes. I suggested that we get the sheepskins off our bikes until we were in dryer areas, which it turned out was fortuitous because it bucketed down all the way to Kurramine Beach! We stopped by the side of the road in Tully to take some photos and appreciate our adventurousness. We decided not to explore the Mission Beach area as planned – safety first! We might come back down this way, unless we satisfy our tropical appetites up in the Daintree area in coming weeks. (Steve) The need for our inner adult to act out... The idea is so very different to the action. The imagined, hardly matches the real. Here I find myself in the imagined future, this time with feelings. I am excited, scared and anxious. Out of these three main feelings who is winning. Anxious seems to be in the lead! The need for control is a time-honored default response. Let alone, I struggle not to let in the other stalking thoughts which are seductive distractions. I ought to be simply focused on riding my motorcycle, nothing more. Those thoughts that are all seeking my attention, it is a tussle, a game of tension. Then, I must deal with those thoughts that focus on the ‘other’ imagined story. You know! The story of a crash, one of us getting hurt. Thoughts of “Have I forgotten something? Where is my wallet? Is it in my tank pack? the creeping doubts in confidence. All a cacophony of feelings emitting from my body, sometimes with mindful awareness, sometimes not, all accompanied with acting out behaviors. What is acting out you may ask? You know, those behaviors that send a signal that I am scared, I am not sure, I am afraid. So who can I turn to? My inner adult who says “Steve, you’re doing really well! You OK and look at you, I know, uh ha….” Thank goodness for our inner adult... There is also the outer adult, for me it is Nicola. As I fluff around as the inner child, I am in good company with my esteemed wife, best friend and consistent outer adult. We can be vulnerable in the company of an outer adult. For me, it has been Nicola’s stewardship as the outer adult, that has provided the stabilizing influence as I navigate through my turbulent emotional seas of the inner/outer adult tensions.